The New "Normal"

I started this blog on November 9, 2013, while my husband Nat was recovering from major colorectal cancer surgery. The tumor was discovered after a colonoscopy on October 10th. They went in to remove the entire colon and tumour, and to create a permanent iliostomy on the 25th. The surgery was slated to be about 8-9 hours. At 9-1/2 hours, I received a call from OR staff, where Nat was. The surgery would be another 3 hours. I was growing increasingly concerned.

I learned later that the tumor had grown through the colon wall and had begun to attach to major blood vessels and the ureter (the tube between the left kidney and bladder). They scraped the cancerous areas outside of the colon as best as they could, but we didn't know how extensive the cancer was, until after we got the pathology results on November 18th.

This past few months or so before a trip to Florida, I noticed that my husband was pale and he was feeling very sick. He had battled chronic Colitis for 30 yrs. I expressed my concerns to him many times and encouraged him to get in to see his doctor. It seemed to get worse after our trip to Florida. I finally called and made an appt for him on Sept. 25th. On Sept. 21st, I woke up to find him in terrible pain, sweating profusely. I called the advice nurse, and spoke to a physician over the phone. We had to get him to the hospital as soon as possible.

He was realeased from the hospital ER that night and was encouraged to see a Urologist. He also developed a blood clot after the trip to ER. A colonoscopy was scheduled on Thursday, Oct. 10th, where the doctor found a blockage in his intestine. There were high suspicians that it might be a tumor, so Nat was admitted to the hospital for five nights where they did a battery of tests. On October 14th, the biopsies came back from the colonoscopy and we learned that it was cancer. He went home the following day and surgery was scheduled for Oct. 25th. After the surgery, he stayed in the hospital another six nights.

This is his/our journey through the process of getting his diagnosis and recovery.



Monday, February 10, 2014

This is Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Well, I am home today.  Nat has gone off to see Dr. Oommen (his surgeon), and then to a support group he has joined.  Tomorrow is the first day of the "big guns" of treatment.  I'm not feeling so hot.  Came down with a head cold on Saturday.  We are both apprehensive about phase three of the treatment he is about to embark on.  That's something that is real through this process... FEAR.  Fear is often looked on as a bad emotion, but in reality fear does have a very useful God-given function.  Built into our bodies is the adrenal gland, which secretes adrenaline when we are in danger, enabling us to run faster, or to fight harder.  So if we encounter a bear on a hiking trail, our normal response is either to fight or run like the dickens.  So fear pokes it's ugly (or beautiful) head out when there is imagined (or real) danger or threat to one's life.  It keeps us alive when we need it... to run like crazy, or to take a karate stance, for instance.  HIYA!!!

So yeah, this is really scary, and it's perfectly normal to be afraid as we fight for a cure from Nat's cancer.  When Nat first got sick, he started saying, "When I am afraid, I will trust in Him."  When you have people poking you with needles and such, or you have to wait for the results of a test, or you are wheeled into surgery, it does test one's faith.  It has mine.  But we have both chosen to trust in God, yes God, for help.  This is way too big for anything else.  We are totally and utterly powerless in the face of this.  And we have the utmost certainty and belief in the ability and reliability of God to help us.  God is doing a work.  And no matter what happens, we will still trust in the goodness and greatness of God. 

"But, why would a good God do this?"  That's a loaded question, and one that theologians have grappled with for centuries.  You or I could rattle off what we think might be the reason Nat is sick.  I believe it is important to find meaning or purpose, even in bad things.  But the greatest and most tangible thing we have latched onto through the diagnosis and treatment of this ugly disease, is the absolute reality of God's presence, comfort, peace, strength, and love.  We don't fully understand why, but we do know that God is holding us closely as we go through this storm.  We pray daily, we read Scripture, and we struggle, but in it all we are still hanging on to His hand.  Just think, the Creator of the Universe is fighting for us, is there for us. What a comfort that is to me! 

This is the real deal. 
This is where the rubber meets the road. 
Get in, buckle up, hang on! 
Jesus take the wheel! 

When I am afraid, I will trust in God.
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